Getting real about Motherhood
What are the chances that my high school boyfriend's little cousin from Northern California would move to a small town north of Toronto, Canada and that we would work for the same company?!
I had not seen Zarina for over 15 years when a fire alarm went off at Roots head office. Over 100 people were mingling in the parking lot when Zarina and I both did a double take. What are the chances?!
Fast forward four years and here we are living 20 minutes away from each other on our new journeys of Motherhood.
I asked Zarina to tell us a little bit about herself and then we just dove in with a few questions. Because Mama’s need to know what it’s ‘really like,' the good, the bad and the ugly, when it comes to being a Mom!
My name is Zarina Pallotta, I’m a first time mom to a wonderful 5 month old baby girl named Victoria Eve. I am excited for this chapter and learning a lot about myself as I grow into motherhood. I am also proud to speak of everything postpartum as it’s not spoken about enough these days.
I am from California and have lived in Canada for 7 years now. I make wire wrapped healing crystal pendants and enjoy bumping 90s hip hop in my car with the windows rolled down.
Q: What surprised you the most when becoming a Mother?
That mothers are bionic super-humans that willfully endure at the hardest job known to mankind.
I also was not ready for everything you feel and go through the first month. As your body is healing and you’re trying to wrap your head around taking care of a tiny human that you know nothing about, google becomes your go to and you end up flooding other moms with questions.
The anxiety coupled with the sleep deprivation and body aches can lead your mind to scary places.
I remember asking myself “why do people have kids?” I was so exhausted and in so much pain I literally just wanted to drive away and never come back.
I found writing and talking to my friends and husband about how I felt in my lowest times helped me normalize my feelings.
I was on an emotional roller coaster some great hours and some not so great. But, I got through it with the help of my village!
And people have kids because they are so darn cute and it’s amazing to watch them grow and they fill your heart with the love you never knew you needed!!
Q: Who is your go-to person with baby questions and why?
I have a great circle of friends that were all mothers before me and I heavily relied on all of them when I first found out I was pregnant and til this day.
They each taught me that regardless of how much advice I received I would end up following my own instincts in the end. I did find it helpful to hear about what they went through, how they tackled and what they did during each stage.
It was particularly helpful to hear about the healing process of a cesarean from one of my girlfriends, Carina.
Her and I were pregnant together but it was her second child (second cesarean) so she let me know what to expect and what worked for her. She told me to take as many pads as I could from the hospital and to use a girdle.
She also mentioned to stay on the second level of my house and to use the stairs as minimally as possible for the first week. Both of which I did!
Q: What made you feel comfortable during your postpartum recovery?
The meds! There is no way I could’ve endured the pain while caring for a newborn without them.
I also lived in very baggy clothing, I purchased pajamas that were one size up and sleep dresses to get in and out of easier.
Luckily I also had MoonMama underwear to help! I thought I could get away with the high-waisted ones I used while being pregnant and honestly they were too tight and uncomfortable.
When you’re not able to bend and wearing a thick pad, the last thing you want to do is fuss over underwear, Moon Mama saved me by being comfortable and easy to take on and off.
Also, my husband had to go back to work after the second week, so luckily I had my mom come stay with us. She helped me in ways I couldn’t help myself and I don’t think I would have eaten the first month if it wasn’t for her.
Q: Has becoming a mother inspired you in other parts of your life
It has definitely made me feel more empowered and has given me new found strength. I feel empowered because my body went through a huge miracle and I was blessed to add life to this world.
The strength women have when we enter motherhood is unmatched by anything on this planet!
During my pregnancy I had low platelets and my placenta was lower than it should have been. Which led to more doctor visits, ultrasounds, and bloodwork all that I had to do by myself because of Covid restrictions.
And when I gave birth I was induced, in labor for 36 hours, had cervix checks every hour, ended up with an emergency c section, and threw up on the operating table, mind you I have never been to the hospital for anything in my entire life so this was a lot.
After a week in the hospital, I was in so much pain all while taking care of a newborn for the first time. If that didn’t teach me strength and grit I don’t know what would have.
The moment I became a mother I became an advocate for someone else’s life and during a pandemic on top of that.
I find I set boundaries and say no to situations where I don’t think it will best suit my daughter and I. I don’t feel bad for saying no or excusing myself from something because it doesn’t fit into our schedules right now.
I also feel like I don’t have any time or room for BS. Because I have to “mom” regardless of what is going on, basically just get out of my way :)
Q: Do you have any tips or tricks that you would share with a new Mom?
First off, have a support system and if you don’t have one, find one online or through a mommy group.
It is so nice to have people to talk to that understand what you’re going through.
It helps put your mind at ease and is a great way to let out some of your steam as well.
Second, don’t be so hard on yourself. Babies don’t need a perfect mom they need a happy, healthy one. If you need a break, take one, if you need a long shower, do it. Do what you need to do for yourself without apologizing for doing so.
Third, don’t let anyone tell you how to raise your child. Your instincts are the best guides. You can read your heart out and talk to a million people but nobody knows your child like you do.
And a big trick that I’ve learned, staying calm when your baby is being fussy and kissing them on their heads not only helps soothe them but it also helps to soothe you too.
Do as much skin-to-skin as you can and you can’t spoil a baby so hold, cuddle, cradle do whatever it is you want to do to be close and show your love to your tiny miracle!
Lastly, nights are long but years are fast. Someone told me this and it echos in my head during those never-ending nights (like the one I’m having as I write this :)
